Incentives Are Theft, But With Manners
The Age
Monday December 8, 2008
THERE was a time when, if a banker called Horace was found upside down in a car-park puddle with half the national debt stuffed into his pockets, along with a one-way ticket to Rio, then questions would be asked. But not any more.
These days, we reward the fellow with a bonus, make sure he is travelling first class to a tax haven of his choice, and apply to the Government for a bail-out. It seems to work. Here are some words that seem to work, but don't.BankersPeople who don't trust each other because, being bankers, they know what bankers are like.Financial advisersIf a consultant steals your watch in order to tell you the time, then a financial adviser steals your watch because, well, he likes your watch. Plus he thinks it looks better on him.IncentivesTheft, but with manners.Net worthInversely proportionate to moral worth.Public-private partnershipsA first-class idea because private companies have far better access to the capital markets than governments, in much the same way that a car accident is an excellent way to test the quality of your health insurance.RetrenchmentIn order to cut the number of people in your organisation, it helps if you have cut back on your people skills first.SilenceA virtue all too rarely explored. Especially in management consulting.StaffUseful target practice when there are no customers about on whom to take out your frustrations.David James is a senior writer for BRW magazine and author of The Business Devil's Dictionary.
© 2008 The Age
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